


middle of the night

by vmnesie



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Enemies to Lovers, Felix is jealous, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Hyunlix, M/M, blowjob, chan is mentionned, han is mentionned, just read it at this point, minho is mentionned, minsung is a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:34:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27073570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vmnesie/pseuds/vmnesie
Summary: felix already knows he’ll end up with hyunjin when the night's over
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Hyunlix - Relationship
Comments: 8
Kudos: 158





	middle of the night

**Author's Note:**

> hhh i spent hours on this, i'm sorry if there's any mistakes, english is not my mother tongue.  
> hope you'll enjoy it though.

felix knew.

he already knew how tonight was going to end. he was invited to this party, jisung’s party, but he already knew he was either going to end up sad or mad. he used to have a crush on jisung, well that was only a month ago, but obviously didn’t get the guy. jisung wasn’t clear with him, making him already heartbroken. but felix drew the line when he heard he was flirting with a boy called hyunjin, while he was still flirting with him. who the fuck was this guy? but when the anger passed, he was rather sad, asking himself what did hyunjin have that he hasn’t? ever since, he gave up on flirting with jisung, but still, tonight is the first night they’ll see each other ever since. felix’s still unsure about how to feel and how he will react. he hopes he won’t see him with hyunjin, cause then, he doesn’t know if his heart will be able to take it.

he puts on his favorite crop-top and does his makeup, trying to chase away these thoughts. even though, it already stopped between them, he wants han to know what he lost. and who knows? _maybe he’ll find another guy to end up the night with?_ he applies gloss and perfume before leaving for the party.

he arrives at 8 pm, and han’s house is filled with people. he goes to the kitchen to take something to drink when he meets han in the arms of a boy. he guesses he’s hyunjin, since he never saw him before. he quickly turns away when they start to kiss, his heart threatening to jump out of his chest. he goes back to the living room. he takes a sip from his drink, hoping getting a bit drunk will make him forget the sting in his heart.

the party goes on and jisung seems to be head over heels for the other boy felix had seen him with. while jisung blows the candles on his birthday cake, felix sees that there’s another boy that watches the couple the same way he does. feeling felix’s gaze on him, he looks directly into felix’s eyes and felix would lie if he told that he didn’t feel anything. his cheeks heat up and he stares away, embarrassed. once jisung thanked everyone for being here, and kissed the man that’s been by his side all night long, the music starts to play again.

felix being tipsy and feeling more confident decides to dance, his body following the rythm. he feels someone behind him, he doesn’t even bother to look who it is and starts to dance against him. he wouldn’t say it aloud, but he hoped han would see him, even if he probably wouldn’t care. the bitter thought making felix lean even more into the stranger. at the end of the song, felix turns to face the man behind him and realises it’s the same boy from before. he’s even prettier now that his face is five inches away. felix’s stare drops to the stranger lips, and when he looks back to lock their eyes, he notices that the stranger was doing the same.

they keep on dancing together for a few more songs, the tension growing bigger, with no words told. felix feels hazy and he can’t tell if it’s the alcohol or the boy in front of him that makes him feel that way.

suddenly, the long haired boy pulls felix by his jaw and presses their lips together. felix whines into the kiss and puts his hands on the taller boy’s hips. they break up the kiss, breathless and felix can’t even say anything before he’s being dragged to another room where they can be alone and being kissed again. felix is thrilled by the feeling and starts to get hard, even though he would rather kill himself than admit it. _he’ll blame it on the alcohol_.

the other boy pushes him over the bed and starts to press sloppy kisses on his neck. felix moans while putting his hand through his hair, pulling them a bit making the other groan. the taller man starts to brush their hips together and felix is over excited already, and he swears that if he doesn’t fuck him _silly_ , he’ll-

“minho this room’s already taken! sorry for interrupting wh— felix?". felix knew he had to be cursed at this moment cause how the fuck would jisung recognize him with a man on top of him? "hyunjin?" the boy on top of felix turns his head to face jisung and minho at the door, "umh, hey," he said hesitantly and felix can't tell if he's shy or just as pissed for being interrupted when things were getting interesting.but wait, did han just called the boy on top of him hyunjin?

“wait a minute. you’re hyunjin?”

“and you’re felix?”

they both look at each other in shock, not knowing what to say.

felix finds his words first, probably due to the hatred that he starts to feel “then who the fuck is the boy you’ve been clinging to all night long?” and hyunjin agrees, sitting back on the bed.

“oh, um... this is minho, my boyfriend”

felix can’t believe what he’s hearing and laughs bitterly. “you know what han, fuck you” he says leaving the room.

he struggles to walk straight, but he tries his best to find his stuff and go home before it gets worse.

he walks past the door and stumbles into the street, wiping a tear on his cheek. he’s fuming mad and feels ridiculous. so even after he played with him, he decided to play hyunjin too and date someone else? _what a dickhead_. was this planned so felix would look desperate? was hyunjin a part of it too? _fuck them._

suddenly, he hears someone calling his name, and he starts to walk faster, he doesn’t want to deal with this right now. but a hand catches his wrist making him turning back and face the man that was on top of him ten minutes before. he grits his teeth, preventing himself to insult him. he awaits for hyunjin to say something, to reassure him somehow, but his words are harsher than felix would have imagined.

“what’s wrong with you?”

“excuse me?”

“you heard well. why didn’t you tell me you were felix?”

felix is taken aback, “you didn’t tell me your name either, and what the fuck should have i show you my id?”

“you knew who i was all along uh? hoped you had your fun”

“are you serious right now? i’m pretty sure you set this thing up with han just to mess up with me.” felix can’t believe hyunjin’s accusing him but seeing how he’s looking at him, he can’t help but feel weak, like he’s about to cry. but he won’t. not in front of hyunjin. he can’t trust him. “i don’t know who do you think i am, but i was pretty sure you were the guy han was all over tonight. so now, if the only reason you came to talk to me was to say something like this and be disrespectful, you can go fuck yourself.”

felix pulls his own arm away from hyunjin’s hand, only noticing now he was still holding onto him, and he hates himself for feeling cold. hyunjin didn’t say anything more nor even moved, not processing what just happened. he returns to the party while felix decides to walk home, thinking it would help him calm down. he couldn’t believe hyunjin came after him just to tell him that. _they could all go fuck themselves_.

when he arrived home, he finally watches his phone and sees he has received messages from two persons.

one is from han, reading “am sorry, hope we can still be friend”, which felix ignores and multiple messages from chan, one of his closest friends, who he barely saw at the party tonight, “where are you?”, and “i just met the coolest guy ever, i’m pretty sure you’d have a crush on him”, “wait YOU’RE DANCIN WITH HIM RIGHT NLW?:&/):&:WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN”, “where are youuuuu” “did you go home?” “with hyunjin?;)”

felix sighs and decides to tell chan that he went home because he was tired. he then proceeds to take a shower and go to bed. he had enough for the day, the week and even the whole month.

x

felix can’t tell what he feels when he realises that hyunjin goes to his university. that he’s in the same building as him all day long. and that chan apparently became his best friend.

the anger still on the top of his heart, undying. all he needs now is to learn that minho is also here and he swears he’ll kill someone, if not himself. what does life have to fuck him up every day? he hates that he finds himself looking at hyunjin more often than he should, and he hates even more that he finds himself content when he feels hyunjin’s stare on him. if he was gorgeous in the moonlight, he was even more beautiful in the sunlight. felix would never say it aloud though, simping over someone who messed up with him, why was his brain playing tricks on him? 

a week passed of chan switching between staying with felix or hanging out with hyunjin and felix could tell he was getting annoyed by the lack of the communication between them. “tonight i’m throwing a party at my place, you have to come.”

felix wants to ask if hyunjin will be there, unsure of why though. he doesn’t want to see him. or maybe, just maybe,he _hopes_ they’ll get to finish what they had going on before han came into the room. he blushes at the thought. “earth to felix, are you here?”, felix nods and it’s as if chan read into him “hyunjin will be there but please come. and don’t fight. you should talk about what happened, this was a misunderstanding.”

felix hums and tries to chase his dirty thoughts away.

x

the tension between them was so thick it could be cut with a knife. felix was sipping his vodka while eyeing hyunjin from afar, and he could feel the burning stare of the other boy on him when he started to dance. but felix wished there was _something else_ on him right now.

they hadn’t talk ever since that night but felix was drawn to hyunjin, undeniably, no matter how much he hated it. it was a shame hyunjin was as hot as disrespectful, felix thought. when he decides to leave the room to go take a break in the bathroom, he still feels watched by the taller boy, and he can’t tell why he finds this so soothing yet exciting. he puts water on his face and when he looks back at himself in the mirror, he realises he’s not alone anymore. hyunjin’s there, staring right in his eyes before going down to his lips, collarbones, tummy slightly apparent through his crop-top, and even to his pants. felix gulps, _he had no business being this hot_.

“liking what you see?”, felix can’t help but say lowly, his blood boiling under his skin.

“a lot, but i know it would be a better view to see you just wearing hickeys”

felix glances at hyunjin through the mirror patiently. “i didn’t remember your voice was that deep”

“well, since you had me moaning all the time we spoke-“

“yeah, speaking of which, let me do that again”, he leans to kiss felix’s neck and felix just watches his neck becoming red through the glass. he pushes his butt against hyunjin’s pelvis unconsciously and starts to whimper. hyunjin suddenly leaves his neck to go to the door and felix feels hazy, so hazy he only noticed that when he felt the fresh air on his wet skin.

he quickly understands what hyunjin is doing when he sees him lock the door.

hyunjin comes back again, makes him turn around and kisses him breathless, felix feels like the only thing he needed right now was hyunjin. he _knew_ it. once again, his hands find hyunjin’s hips and grips him like they were scared he would go away. hyunjin smiles into the kiss, and his hands start to unbuckle felix’s belt while brushing over his hardness. he continues by taking his pants off and felix can’t believe how easy this was for hyunjin. of course, felix wasn’t his first and probably _not_ his last, but he chased down the thought immediately when he feels hyunjin’s hand around him. he moans in hyunjin’s ear, making hyunjin go faster. with his other hand, he pulls felix’s head by his hair to have more access his neck to lick it and bite it, leaving delicious marks felix will probably regret tomorrow. hyunjin goes down and kisses his collarbones, and then falls on his knees and decides to take felix’s length into his mouth. felix is going crazy at the sight of hyunjin sucking him, the taller boy making eye contact with felix, he doesn’t know how long he will last with him looking at him like that. his fingers going through the blond’s hair and pulling them messily while his moans are getting less and less irrepressible, hyunjin knows he’s going to come soon, and he’s ready to swallow him whole, and once felix understands that, he comes into his mouth.

once his orgasm’s over (and he realises he isn’t drunk enough for this), he barely dares to look at hyunjin. “mmh, maybe we should go back? chan’s probably wondering where i am right now...”

hyunjin’s brows rise up, astonished by the reaction felix was having right now. but what could he say huh? maybe he was wrong for thinking this would make things different between them. he was wrong for _wanting_ things to be different between them. he huffs and unlocks the door, “yeah we should go back and pretend we never were together”

felix’s head raises up, and he swears he saw hyunjin being hurt when he left the room. he sighs, thinking he probably imagined that to make up for the way he was feeling right now. he goes back to the living room five minutes after, but hyunjin is nowhere to be seen, and felix would lie if he said he had not been looking for him.

x

it’s been weeks since the party. since hyunjin sucked him off. since hyunjin ignored him completely. and felix couldn’t figure yet why it was so omnipresent in his mind. whenever hyunjin saw him on the campus, he would look at him coldly, as if he were a stranger and walk away. but felix wasn’t a stranger. but no one knew that, not even chan. chan kept on repeating how felix should talk to hyunjin about the misunderstanding, that he’s sure they would get along. but felix is scared of how much they’ll get along. he was feeling a lot towards hyunjin without being able to name what was the dominant feeling of them all.

maybe it was hate when he thought about how their first encounter ended. maybe it was lust, whenever he thought about his burning stare when he was sucking him off. maybe it was jealousy when he saw him talk to other guys while not giving a damn about him. maybe it was attraction whenever he noticed his mole underneath his left eye, not knowing how he found it this cute it kept him up at night.

he thought about talking to hyunjin a few times but he was so scared he was misinterpreting what he saw when he left the bathroom and his own feelings. he was scared it would make it worse, if it could. but then, when he thought everything was over after a month of not hearing about him, chan told him about another party and it was all it took for felix’s heart to beat faster. he didn’t even know the guy who was throwing the party but felix knew he was in hyunjin’s class and it was enough for felix to have expectations. he couldn’t wait to see hyunjin, even if he was scared of how it would go.

x

there were already a lot of persons in when he arrived at the party, but none of them were hyunjin. he quickly looked around the room, searching for the blond-haired boy, but he was nowhere to be found, _once again_. he decides to enjoy his time with chan and his other friends and tries not to worry about hyunjin too much. it’s only an hour later that he sees him come downstairs, lips swollen and messy hair. felix smiles thinking about how he looked the same before leaving the bathroom the last time they talked. then, he loses it when he realises that _he looked the same before leaving the bathroom the last time they talked,_ meaning he was probably not alone right now too.

felix’s heart sinks when he sees another boy following hyunjin, with, _probably_ , the same look felix had when he left that bathroom, a month ago. he’s jealous. of course, he knows he has no right to be, but he can’t help the bitter feeling from setting in. he stares at hyunjin, then the guy behind him, just to fall back onto hyunjin, noticing that he was looking back at felix with a cocky smile.

 _that bastard_. felix hated even more the fact that he thought he was so hot looking this fucked. but the anger comes in when he remembers he wasn’t the cause of it. soon enough, he looks somewhere else and his eyes are set on jisung and minho kissing. he rolls his eyes, and continues to look away when he notices it. his _prey_.

he walks towards the drinks and gets himself and the other boy something and then goes talk to him. he gladly accepts the drink and they start chatting. the guy might be interesting but he’s way too sober to understand that felix just wants him to shut up and kiss him. they talk for a few more minutes till felix’s had enough and drags him in the middle of the crowd so that they could danse. felix wiggles his hips against the man, whose name was already forgotten, and he feels his hot breath and hands on his skin. felix smiles slightly when he realises that the action doesn’t even make him shiver, like his skin knows it’s not hyunjin. _and if it wasn’t him, then what was the point?_

felix turns back to face the guy, catching a glance at hyunjin behind him, who was already looking at him ( _but why was his hand on the shoulder of the boy he was with before_ ). felix goes feral at the thought and starts to kiss the man in front of him, while keeping eye contact with hyunjin. if hyunjin felt something, he made sure felix wouldn’t notice. instead, he put his hand on the other boy’s thigh when he leans into hyunjin’s ear to say whatever. felix couldn’t help but stare, but was content with the fact that hyunjin didn’t dare to look away. how felix wished he knew what was going on in his mind. seeing no reaction made him want to do more, he wanted to see where hyunjin would draw the line. felix’s hands were now around the male’s hips, his head pulled behind and faking a moan in his ear, making sure hyunjin would understand what was happening right now. he closes his eyes for a second, but when he reopens them, hyunjin isn’t in his trajectory anymore. _did this bitch have something with hide and seek or what?_ felix grits his teeth and suddenly pulls away from the other boy, apologies and wonders around the house, looking for hyunjin. he grins when he goes past the boy hyunjin was with before and he sees him alone.

felix decides to go to the garden and sits for a while in the grass when he feels a presence next to him, and he doesn’t even need to look up, he already knows who it is.

"had your fun?"

felix giggles. "not enough for my likings"

"you know i could help with that"

"don’t you already had your fun too?"

now it was hyunjin’s turn to laugh. "are you jealous?", felix freezes at the word, "not at all" he spits, way too quickly for it to be considered emotionless. "well, you have no reason to be. we didn’t do anything", he then leans into felix’s ear "he’s my friend, and i told him about you, i just wanted to make you jealous and well…" he stares at felix deeply, "it worked", he breathes and felix can’t help but blush at the confession and their sudden proximity.

"why would you do that?"

"i don’t know, i think it has something with me wanting to ruin you", he whispers and felix feels hot. he doesn’t know what to say, he can’t admit he wants hyunjin to ruin him, so he just stands up, lending his hand to hyunjin. "what are you doing?"

"we’re leaving"

"we?", felix nods while hyunjin stands up with his help, "where to?"

"my place, i need you to help me with my _likings_ , as you proposed"

hyunjin smiles broadly, and felix could eat him alive, but he decides to wait for when they’ll be at his place.

"so you finally decided to stop acting like a brat?"

"shut it, the only time you’ll have the right to insult me is when you’ll be on top of me"

hyunjin laughs once more, "noted sir."

he then follows felix, while being looked by chan with a frown but he doesn’t try to stop them. he guesses he’ll have some questions to ask to felix. they take a taxi to go to felix’s place, not being able to separate from the messy make out session they’re having, and oh felix _knows_ he’s going to have a good night.

x

he wakes up next morning, and he observes that he is still in hyunjin’s arms, and the simple thought makes his heart flutter. he didn’t know whether it was a good thing or not, since they’ll have to confront each other. felix’s mind wanders to their shared night, the feeling of hyunjin’s soft but big hands on him, his mouth kissing him everywhere and how well he fucked him, but also the way he took care of him, making sure it didn’t hurt.

he feels hyunjin’s lips move to say a sleepy hi against his head and felix is scared at the feeling settling in his heart. he wants to stay in his arms forever but decides to move before he starts to feel more towards hyunjin. well, he would move if hyunjin let go of him. felix finds it so adorable he might die right now, and hyunjin whispers softly again, "please stay with me, stop running away from me."

felix doesn’t know what to say. well, he wasn’t the one to run away… _the last time at least_. even though he was the one to dismiss him in that bathroom. what can he say, he just gets easily shy and awkward. plus he’d rather push people away than have them run away from him. so he stays there a bit longer.

once hyunjin has fully woken up, felix goes to make breakfast while hyunjin takes a shower. when he returns, felix has already finished and they sit at the table in silence to eat. felix barely dares to look at hyunjin, but when he does, he notices all the marks his nails left on hyunjin’s arms and immediately lowers his head when he imagines his back.

"you okay?", hyunjin asks, slightly concerned. "you should eat a bit, you know"

"uh…yeah! don’t worry", he says awkwardly and starts to eat, while hyunjin continues in silence. after five minutes of it, hyunjin talks again "are you sure you’re alright? you were more talkative last night", he tries to joke and felix looks up in his eyes, asking him if he’s serious. "oh sorry, i didn’t know you were embarrassed to talk about it"

"that’s not it, it’s just… this is awkward to me? i never did that with anyone i had sex with-"

"oh so i’m your first", hyunjin teases and felix tries to punch him where he scratched him last night and hyunjin is startled. "shut up", felix mutters before going on, "so yeah it’s just that i don’t know how to feel about this whole thing", he gesticulates, making hyunjin smile.

"about us, you mean?", felix blushes and nods. he could get used to them being a ‘ _us’._

hyunjin continues "well, i guess our first encounter isn’t the best we could have had. we could have ended it differently, but i was persuaded you were pulling on a prank with han when i learned who you were", felix huffs cause he thought the same, but hyunjin doesn’t give him the time to speak "then i realised it probably wasn’t the truth when i sobered up, considering how hung up you were with me", he teases and felix rolls his eyes. "i tried to come talk to you at uni, but you seemed mad. then, i asked chan to do that party, so i could talk to you, but hum, well, we didn’t really talk…", he laughs, "and somehow you managed to push me away once again, so i decided to let you come to me, but when i saw you getting jealous, i couldn’t help it and had to go tease you and well, here we are."

felix’s heart was beating fast, but it was not faster than his train of thoughts. so he thought _he_ was messing up with him with han? and he _regretted_ how their first encounter went? he _wanted_ to talk to felix and _asked_ chan to do a party just for that? he stays still a minute, the time to process everything before responding.

"well, hum, i agree with you, we could have handled it better, _without han_. and _i_ thought you were in cahoots with him. that’s why i left, cause i felt ridiculous. the truth is that i was thinking about you but didn’t know how to feel towards you. still the case though. then we did… well you know what we did-"

"c’mon felix, you don’t have to be ashamed of what we did. i don’t know if it’s me who makes you feel embarrassed or-"

"that’s not it, it’s just that i’m not used to talk about sex with the person i had it with afterwards. like we can talk about conditions and stuff but it’s usually beforehand. once it’s done, they just leave and i’m fine with it. but we’re drafting away from the main topic, and it’s already that hard for me", hyunjin reaches his hand on the table and softly caresses it, encouraging felix to continue. "so we did what we did, and i don’t know, i was just weirded out by the fact that the last time we saw each other we were having a fight and then you were sucking me off with no in between. not that i regret it, cause _gosh i don’t,_ but still i didn’t know how to act. i was scared you’d leave by yourself so i made you leave. i’ve thought about you _so many times_ ever since, and that’s why i agreed on going to this party last night, just so i could get to see you. but then i saw you with this guy, i-, i had to do something back because it was hurting me, even though i didn’t know why exactly or was too scared to figure out why"

"so you’re not scared anymore?"

"well, i won’t say i’m not afraid anymore… but seeing how you treated me last night and the fact that we’re trying to talk it out right now, it’s reassuring somehow, you know", hyunjin presses his hand harder around felix’s and he just smiles. they continue to eat their breakfast but this time the mood is lighter, they laugh and tease each other, share the stuff they like and felix is actually surprised by how much they have in common and how well they get along, _not just in a sexual way_. he was pretty sure he would fall in love, but he tries to reject the idea and pretend this isn’t anything. just fuck buddies, or acquaintances, or whatever hyunjin would want them to be.

the sudden _ting sound_ his phone made made him jumped a bit. he unlocks his phone to see a message from chan, "so you talked to hyunjin? i saw you both together last night". and here it came again. the stress hyunjin eased by taking his hand before. when hyunjin realises felix’s eyes are stuck on his phone, he puts himself above felix so he could read the message. felix types "what did you saw exactly?" and "yeah we talked it out, it’s alright." he plays with his hands waiting for an answer, while hyunjin’s hands find their way through felix’s nape and he massages it a bit. "nothing in particular, you were just holding his hand taking him somewhere and i never saw neither of you ever since. did you got home together?;)"

felix bites his lips when hyunjin tells him it’s okay. "it’s not. i don’t want him to think we’re together" he blurts out and immediately regrets it when hyunjin’s hands leave him. "okay but why? and why would he think we’re dating? he doesn’t know about what happened between you and me." _ouch, the ‘us’ was gone_.

"i don’t know, i’m just scared, i-"

"scared of what? being seen with me?", hyunjin’s eyes were too honest and felix didn’t know how to deal with it. with _him_. 

"you know that’s not what i meant"

"actually, i don’t"

"it’s just that relationships scare me, i don’t want chan to imagine we’re together cause we’re not. i’m not lying." _i just don’t know what i’m feeling towards you right now and it scares the fuck out of me_. "you didn’t talk about wanting to be in a relationship with me", _do you? i know my words are harsh right now, but i just need to know i’m not the only one hoping something._

"yeah, you’re right we didn’t talk about being together, and we’re not dating. so what do you want us to do? act like we don’t know each other at all?"

"well… we can say hi to each other, and not act like complete strangers?", felix says with a small voice, unsure of what to say now.

"okay, but do you want _this_ to go on?", hyunjin asks and felix’s mouth opens. "for fuck sake, you gotta stop acting like we never had sex", hyunjin laughs and felix can’t tell if it’s to make the atmosphere less tense or if he just feels like it.

"well, i mean, we could keep doing it without no one knowing?"

"so you’re not gonna tell chan?"

"why should i? he’s not my dad."

"then, what are you going to answer to his last text?", felix stares at his phone again and starts to type "we didn’t got home together. we just talked and cleared it out together and then i left, i don’t know where he went."

hyunjin sighs, before sitting down where he used to. "well, if you wanna do it like that i guess i’ll have to agree."

they finish their breakfast in silence and felix feels like he should say something but he isn’t quite aware of what. so he just shuts it, like always and he lets hyunjin go, once more.

x

felix already regrets it. another month has passed ever since that morning, and hyunjin and felix had sex multiple times, so much it made felix forget when was the last time he had a bad fuck. as they said, no one knew about them. they would usually meet at each other’s places, or after a party making sure none of their friends knew. felix liked to tease the taller boy, flirting with someone else all night, but never going past that, cause it was hyunjin’s job to kiss him and make him understand only he could do him like that. felix knew that no matter what he was doing at the parties, and with whoever he was, he would end up the night in hyunjin’s arms.

but now, felix was regretting his decision. the more they spent time together, the more felix fell for hyunjin, and he didn’t know how to make the situation change. even though they were communicating a lot, and could talk about literally anything, felix was still shy concerning his feelings, his brain taking over and making sure he knew hyunjin would never reciprocate his feelings.

he regretted his decision even more when he saw another man he didn’t know eating with hyunjin almost everyday at uni. felix wanted to ask who he was, but the thought of being shut down made him avoid it. plus, the only time he was with hyunjin was when they were in the darkness of their rooms, so he didn’t want to ruin the mood. so what? he would tell him he loves him more than the stranger could ever and hyunjin would never want to talk to him again? that wasn’t what felix wanted. he tried to ask chan who he was, but he didn’t give any informations, since he didn’t know more than him. but chan was starting to notice the difference in felix’s behaviour towards hyunjin. even though they were barely talking in public, chan knew his best friend more than anyone and could recognise the gaze felix was giving hyunjin every time he walked in the room. but still, he waited for felix to talk about it before prying on his private life.

when felix saw hyunjin come to another party with the same boy, he felt like he could really go with another drink. he notices that hyunjin watches him carefully but he couldn’t care less. he was tired that he couldn’t be the one next to him. that he couldn’t hold his hand. that he couldn’t kiss him. when he sees the boy leans into hyunjin’s ear to tell him something, felix’s blood boils with rage. the man leaves to do something and hyunjin stares right at felix. felix is fed up and goes in another room full of people he doesn’t even know. he keeps on drinking and it’s been a while since he last felt this tipsy. he dances and keeps on drinking. he keeps talking with a bunch of people but doesn’t even remember what’s the topic of the conversation. his mind is set on hyunjin and the boy he’s with, he’s so afraid to go back to the living room to see them kiss. he was used to tease hyunjin, but he’d never go and kiss someone else, not because it is disrespectful to him, but because he knows he would never find the same peace and excitement he got when he kissed hyunjin.

he keeps on drinking and he feels himself struggling to walk. he finds chan and slouches on him. “where have you been?’’, chan asks, worried and felix laughs it off, “somewhere’’. chan holds him, “it’s been more than an hour and a half you’re gone, and no one we knew saw you. i was concerned. are you alright?’’, felix’s eyes widen, _was he gone for this long? did hyunjin left?_  
he regains sobriety at the thought. he doesn’t even answer chan and tries to run to the living room where he saw hyunjin for the last time, without taking care of listening to what chan was telling him. only there, he realises how many people had left already. hyunjin is still nowhere to be seen. _some things do never change._

"you found him", he hears and immediately turns around to see hyunjin’s face. he runs to him and holds him in a warm hug. he doesn’t know if hyunjin doesn’t care about them doing that in public or if he knows better than to reject him right now. the entire world could know felix’s undying love for hyunjin, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. he wanted the taller boy to be his. he finally takes a step back and kisses hyunjin on the lips. after a bit, he realises he left chan without a warning, "fuck, chan!" and hyunjin laughs, "so this is who you think of when we’re kissing", but now that hyunjin says it aloud, even though only felix heard it, he is even more anxious cause probably everyone saw them kiss. he turns around and sees chan, but he doesn’t seem to mind nor even be surprised. felix’s head hurts like hell with all the thoughts incoming. he tries to hold it as if it would help, and he feels hyunjin’s hand on his shoulder while he talks to chan. something about taking him home and chan seems to agree.

hyunjin takes their stuffs and they start to walk out of the house. hyunjin wants to take a taxi but felix strongly disagrees. "please don’t or i’ll throw up on you." hyunjin laughs while placing his hand on his lower back, "why did you have to go and drink that much, it’s unhealthy baby." the nickname making his heart race faster, felix is at a lost for words.

"who is the guy you’ve been hanging out with lately?", felix mutters and hyunjin’s face soften when he links the dots together. "he’s just a friend. you did this out of jealousy?", felix hums shyly, "you know that everyone knows that we’re not just acquaintances now" hyunjin acknowledges, trying to gauge felix’s feelings, "well, i want them to know. we’re not just acquaintances and we never were just that. not to me at least. i don’t know how you see me but i’m tired of faking how i see you for others." he takes a break when he realises he was the only one walking.

here they were, once again, under the moonlight, felix’s spitting out everything he felt. but this time, on the same street they were before, hyunjin was listening to him carefully, and staring at him differently than the way he was during their first meeting. "are you serious right now?", hyunjin finally says once he proceeded everything.

"why would i be lying? i love you. i want you to be mine. i want everyone to know you’re mine. is that so hard to believe?"

"well, you’re pretty drunk right now. maybe you should try to think it over once you’ve sobered up…", hyunjin says hesitantly and felix couldn’t tell if he was getting rejected right now but he was too tired to fight hyunjin while he puts his hand to hold him and help him walk.

once they arrived at hyunjin’s place, since it was the nearest, felix didn’t bother to take a shower and immediately fell asleep as soon as he was on hyunjin’s bed. after his shower, hyunjin takes off felix’s coat, making him move his upper body, arms finding their way to hyunjin’s waist. "don’t leave me" felix mumbles and hyunjin is dumbfounded, still not knowing how to react. he goes under his blanket, and sleeps soon enough.

x

when felix wakes up, he notices he is at hyunjin’s place and he wonders what happened last night, the memories not coming back. he sits back when he remarks hyunjin isn’t here. he doesn’t hear the shower running nor anyone in the kitchen and he starts to worry. did they come back here together? did they had sex? where was the boy hyunjin came with at the party?

so many questions were going through felix’s mind and it didn’t help the incoming headache.he forces himself to calm down before he freaks out and decides to go to the living room. but then, he hears the door opens and hyunjin’s silhouette appears. 

"oh you already woke up? i thought you’d be fast asleep considering how much you drank last night."

felix doesn’t seem to know how to form words anymore, and hyunjin hands him a glass of water. "don’t push it too much. i’ve bought breakfast and some medicine to help you with the hangover", felix mutters a thank you before taking some in his hand and drinking them up. hyunjin sits next to him in the sofa and carefully watches felix. "maybe try to eat something? here." he feeds him and felix looks defenceless. _has he ever been treated like that?_ it made him love hyunjin even more. speaking of which, he recalls a memory from last night. him kissing hyunjin at the party.

"wait… did we kiss last night… in front of everyone?"

"you sure wanna talk a lot now for someone who i had to beg to talk before huh"

"please answer"

"well, yeah we did"

felix is freaking out. "what did i say?"

"i don’t know. what did _you_ say?", hyunjin wanted to know if it was real. if felix really loved him.

"i’m trying to remember. i saw you with that guy and hum, i was jealous so i had to drink", he tries so hard to recall the events he might lose his braincells.

"as i told you before, don’t push yourself. it’ll come back eventually, if it’s needed…" hyunjin says with a bitter smile. he secretly hopes felix would tell him he loved him one more time, just so that he would know for sure his feelings were requited. he stands back to take something in his fridge and felix is left with his thoughts. he looks up and admire hyunjin from afar. he stares at his neck and doesn’t see any new hickeys.

"we didn’t have sex last night, right?"

"no we didn’t, gosh did you see how you were?", felix shrinks. "not saying you weren’t hot or anything, but i would never do anything without you being a hundred percent conscious."

"is the reason i was being jealous why i kissed you?"

"i don’t know, you’ll have to tell me"

felix stares into the void for a minute, "well that’s the only reason i see. i was so jealous of that boy and wanted to show everyone you were mi-", felix puts his hand over his mouth. he wasn’t about to confess his feelings just like that. hyunjin deserved better.

"am i yours?", felix turns his head to gauge hyunjin’s reaction but he only finds a soft smile. "want me to be yours?" he teased when he sees how felix froze. he collects himself. 

"well, now i have to say it huh? i look pretty stupid but yeah. i’ve been wanting that for a few weeks now. and i know i’m stupid cause it was my idea to hide but i can’t hold it anymore and i was so scared you’d reject me and you were close to this other guy and i just want to be with you i-", hyunjin’s hand fell onto his neck to drag him closer and connect their lips together. once felix understands what’s happening he kisses him back, bitting his lip so that he could push his tongue into hyunjin’s mouth.

they kiss until they’re breathless and felix remembers that he left chan running last night. he steps back and tries to find his phone near him before whispering chan’s name. "him again? you gotta tell me if you love him or me", hyunjin jokes when he understands that felix recalled something. "you know i love you" and he puts his hand over his mouth, once again, as if he should hide it. "oh so you do _love_ me?", felix is anxious cause he just dropped the L word after expressing his feelings for hyunjin for the first time. "i’m teasing you. i already told chan you were with me and that you woke up. you can call him if you want to reassure him or to bring some memories back"

"no", he immediately answers. "if he knows i’m safe then that’s good. i’d rather fix our situation right now"

"our situation huh?", hyunjin smiles while kissing softly felix. "to be honest, you already confessed last night… but i admit i’ll never get bored of hearing you say you love me."

"did i do that?"

"yup, definitely did. but i wanted you to recall it by yourself so that i could be sure you were sincere and not playing with me. because heck, i love you too"

hyunjin’s grin is contagious and felix’s right hand finds hyunjin’s while the left one goes to his cheek to make him come closer so that he could kiss him again. he’ll probably never get bored of this.

x

a year later, felix’s already at han’s birthday party. ever since he met hyunjin, han and him were able to go over what happened and remain friends. he arrived early because he wanted to help to prepare everything. he helped with the drinks while he looked at han and minho fighting over some silly detail, and he laughs to himself. more and more persons are coming in, and the party finally starts for real.

felix talks with chan when he feels a burning gaze on him. he looks up at the door, where he already knows who’s standing there just by the way the atmosphere changed. hyunjin’s there, as pretty as ever and felix bits his lower lip. he already knows what’s going to happen. he knows he’s going to end up in his boyfriend’s bed tonight. he knew that already a bit more than a year ago, when he saw him for the first. but instead of beating around the bush this time, he straights up walk to him, kisses him deeply and says "what if we ditched them and got back to your place and i’ll let you fuck me stupid?"

"sounds like a plan babe"

felix knew how tonight was going to end. and he wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> it was my first time writing smut so hhh don't mind me  
> hope you liked it, drop kudos and comments if u feel like iiiittt  
> twt: vmneskz


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